Embracing Wisdom: Lessons from My Father and Maya Angelou on Self-Forgiveness
Forgiving Yourself for Past Behaviors
It’s been just over 20 years since my father passed away.
The last heart-to-heart conversation I had with him was on Father’s Day, which became a reflection of his life. He had been in and out of the hospital and probably knew he didn’t have long.
A Father’s Reflection
During his reflection, he touched on moments of his life where I sensed regret.
It wasn’t so much what he shared, but his pensive tone and somber demeanor that struck me. He made a comment that stayed with me and continues to resonate all these years later.
He resignedly said his actions were based on all he knew then.
The Connection to Maya Angelou
My dad didn’t know who Maya Angelou was or her work, but his words echoed her famous quote:
"Do the best you can until you know better. Then, when you know better, do better."
Six weeks before he passed, my father imparted a profound lesson through his vulnerability.
While he may not have had the longevity to realize the second part of Angelou’s quote fully, he embodied it by sharing his insights with me.
This reflection was one of my most meaningful experiences with him. Whether it was the alignment of circumstances or simply the timing, his wisdom has become a precious gift.
Seeking A Deeper Understanding
After he passed, I sought to understand why his words resonated so deeply with me.
I turned to Maya Angelou’s quote and reflected on its perspectives, which helped me understand the depth of my connection to his message.
Insights from Maya Angelou’s Quote and My Father’s Wisdom
1. Self-Compassion:
Understanding that our decisions and actions are based on the information we have at that time. As we gain more knowledge, we can reevaluate our past choices and forgive ourselves, knowing we acted on what we knew then.
2. We Have a Choice:
With new information, we can choose to either repeat the same mistakes or use that information to improve.
3. Letting Go of Perfectionism:
Viewing past decisions as failures can stop us from trying again. Instead, use these experiences to let go of unproductive efforts and pivot toward something better.
4. Continuous Learning:
We continually evolve and should remain open to adapting as we receive new information. This ongoing growth encourages us to strive toward making better choices daily.
Quotes are like works of art; everyone interprets them differently.
Think about Maya Angelou’s quote and share what it means to you.
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- Mili
Your story of your father's insight to you in your last meaningful conversation reflects what I've read from many of my colleagues who work as death doulas. They say that the biggest and heaviest emotion that people on their death beds express is REGRET.
Maya Angelou is my absolute favorite poet. And you chose one of her best lines "Do the best you can until you know better. Then, when you know better, do better."
I've rephrased this one for myself. I often say "I did the best I could, with what I had and knew, at the time. Now, I have and know better." Not as eloquent or poetic as Maya, but it works for me. I've shared it with many of my clients and they come back to me years later saying they repeat that inside their heads to themselves anytime and everytime they sense a feeling of regret.
Really enjoyed. this. I like your brief writing style (I am a tdlr person so skip anything long!) I just subscribed and will share this piece in my weekly email round up.